the powder room

I was in Bath welcoming the new millennium at St Peter’s Lodge, an old church that passed as student accommodation, but should have probably been condemned, at a party with all my old school and cadet friends, seamlessly blended with my new uni friends. We were invincible. Pook got a parking ticket from a jobsworth traffic cop who seemed intent on spoiling someone’s new year. Gareth got horrendously drunk but still managed to wander his way back to my place. I laughed, drank, cried and hugged my way into the brilliant new millennium. We were free. Life was fun, spontaneous and crazy.

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Day 6 of COP15/CMP5. Copenhagen. Middle Saturday so we’re having stocktake plenaries.
Time to take stock. Here I am, sitting in the privileged position in the main plenary room, with my precious pink badge. And feeling completely detached from the process. There are an estimated 28,000 people here, 5,000 Party delegates, 5,000 press and 18,000 NGOs of various ilks (BINGOs, YOUNGOs, ENGOs, RINGOs, TUNGOs – the listGOs on). In that sense I’m on the inside, beyond the velvet rope, over the fence. Except it’s not a fence, it’s a labyrinth. I’ve hopped the first wall and faced with a maze of ego and barriers, with a sense that the real decisions are being made from the watchtowers. Concentric circles of power and influence – Parties -> negotiators -> EU issue leads -> EU negotiators -> Heads of delegation -> ministers -> Heads of State. Ever contracting and for a while I’ve felt like that influence front has passed me by and I’m now in the rain shadow of power. Feeling increasingly insignificant.

It’s easy to fall prey to criicising those lower down the food chain than you, to mock their sense of self-importance. But the reality is that it hides my sense of self-importance and the fact that my ego feels bruised. There is a genuine sense of disempowerment and acceptance of the state of affairs, but there’s also an ego-driven part of me that wants to play the part.
Now all of this sounds terribly pessimistic, like nothing we do matters, but that’s not true. Nothing most of us do matters here in this forum, but imagine if the energy, passion, creativity and commitment on display here was directed to places that really mattered, where change is possible. What a world we’d live in. But to get there we need individually to look inside and ask ourselves “what am I doing here?” “is this the best place for me to contribute?” “am I here for my ego or to create real change?” “where am I best placed to stimulate change?”. Time to pause. Appreciate the stillness, get perspective. Time to take stock.

A Bear of Very Little Brain

I’m going to try to put down what goes round in my head, my worldview, or at least the main thrust of it. It’s an ever evolving kaleidoscope of thought, but I felt it was time to try to share it more. But as I do so, I’m reminded of a quote from a great sage:

“When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”

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My plan to post meaningful insights from the Bangkok climate talks proved a bit too ambitious. 2 weeks of frantic running around, wheelspinning or as a friend put it, the cha-cha-cha – movement with the illusion of progress.
Impressions? Chaotic, insular, rarefied, self involved, frustrating. (more…)

Today I cleaned out my Mum’s cutlery drawer (yes, that’s right – a tidy cutlery drawer is a mark of civilisation. And too much time on your hands) and found out everything you need to know about what it means to be Chinese. See if you can spot: (more…)

The ubiquitous rickshaw

Today Ali-bhai (-bhai is Bangla suffix meaning ‘brother’, more polite than just their name), M’s driver takes me on a trip to Old Dhaka. Just as we start off, the last two days of oppressive heat and humidity give way to a deluge from the heavens. Looking at the traffic and rising water levels on the road, I contemplate abandoning the trip, but am glad we continued – about an hour after setting off, we finally reach Old Dhaka (only a few miles away, but traffic makes it longer) and as if on cue, the rain stops. The downpour takes the heat out of the air and makes it all much more bearable. (more…)

Arrived in Dhaka at silly o’clock having changed at Hong Kong. The journey was interesting – certainly highlighted the differences between Japanese service staff and Hong Kong air stewardesses! After a bit of visa confusion at Sapporo airport, landing at Dhaka was a straightforward process – largely thanks to my ‘facilitator’ organised by M. He picked me up, whisked me thru immigration and sorted out my $50, 15 day visa, before helping me with my bags into the BHC Land Rover Defender and off into the night. I learn a teeny bit of Bangla and chat, before arriving in Gulshan – one of the nice diplomatic-areas of Dhaka. (more…)

Carry on

So having made one life decision, another one has presented itself. Just as I made the decision in my head to come back, two amazing opportunities cropped up. Ironically neither result from the proverbial career irons I shoved in the fire (see earlier post Why?), but both fill me with an excitement and passion that I haven’t felt for a long time without being strapped to a snowboard. (more…)

New shoots

Well I’ve been here in Japan for 5 months, the last 2 of which have been trying to sustain myself over the summer both financially and spiritually. And on both counts, I think it’s time to call it a day. I’ve decided to head back to the UK, temporarily, but depending on a few things, possibly for longer.

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Koi-noburi flying

I’ve always loved the Japanese carp flags (koi-noburi) and their futile yet graceful struggle against the wind, but until today I never knew why they were flown.

We’re coming to the end of Golden Week, a fantastic week for Japanese with 4 national holidays falling within a seven-day stretch. Midori no hi (みどりの日, Greenery Day, April 29), kenpou kinenbi (憲法記念日, Constitutional Memorial Day, May 3), kokumin no kyuujitsu (国民の休日, Citizen’s Holiday, May 4) and finally kodomo no hi (こどもの日, Children’s Day) – today.

Until 1948, the 5th day of the 5th month was known as tango no sekku (端午の節句). Tan means edge or ’start of’ and go represents the 7th sign of the zodiac, which corresponds to the month of May. Sekku means seasonal festival. So it translates as a start of season (spring) festival and in ancient times was a celebration of new beginnings. But tango no sekku has come to mean Boy’s Festival – an auspicious day when parents pray for the health and success of their sons.

The carp was chosen as it is seen as the most spirited of fish, able to power its way up fast-flowing streams. It stands for courage and success in the face of adversity and is a symbol of manliness and the overcoming of life’s difficulties.

PS It’s interesting that although it’s been redesignated as Children’s Day, it still remains dominated by the tango no sekku traditions. There is a separate girls’ day, but it doesn’t have anywhere near as cool flags